To provide a comparison and show what an exercise in futility it is trying to please Google, I shall use the example of your girlfriend, to show just how ridiculous the whole thing is:

A group of complete strangers come up to you and your girlfriend. They take a good look at your girlfriend. They prod and poke around, stand back and then appraise her. They tell you that she is a 2 out of 10. You have three choices:

Number one - You completely ignore them stay with the same girl and carry on as you always have, taking advice from people who you trust and not those who constantly move the goalposts (Our own choice!)

Number Two - You decide to tell them exactly what you think of them and then punch them on the nose

Number Three - You take a look at your girlfriend and decide that with one or two adjustments she could be better, so you try to please your critics.

If you have chosen option three, you will soon discover that your critics will not provide you with much help. They won't tell you what is wrong with your girl and will only provide you with vague advice on what not to do.

Therefore, you make a few alterations to her. You dye her hair, as a change of colours might make her more visually appealing. She is put on a diet, as it might be that she is too bloated. Finally, you put her in tighter clothing, as this might aid navigation.

A few months pass and after checking every week, you see your girlfriend is still only rated at 2 out of 10. You can't decide what to do next, it is then that you learn that your critics have now changed their method of assessment.

You make a few more tweaks and alterations to her structure and appearance, but still the same result 2 out of 10. You also decide to give her a larger collection of friends, closely vetted to avoid bad neighbourhoods. In despair, your decision is to take a more radical approach - porcelain vaneers, liposuction and breast augmentation.She now looks flashy, there's no real substance to her and she's become pretty boring really. You've spent a lot of money on her, but it might pay off.

Sadly, the reverse happens. The goalposts are moved once more and because you have made such drastic changes, you are completely excluded from the club. You now can't even find your rating! Does this sound familiar? Has this happened to you?

If you decide to read SEO blogs or search online, you will find countless souls who have befallen the Google Page Rank dictatorship. Our own front page is not on Google, this may be because of our page The Web's Worst Search Engine, but is probably something far more petty.

Please do not waste money on placing Google ads on your site or a Google search box. This only drives traffic away from your site and the returns are very meagre. Do not waste money on SEO nonsense companies, as they are only guessing about Google and will tell you all sorts of utter rubbish and then happily take your money. Besides, Google will no doubt change their algorithm in a few months, are you prepared to pay them again?

N.B. Female webmasters please substitute girlfriend with boyfriend and you might want to change a few of the alterations, as we wouldn't recommend some of them for your fella!

When you analise the girlfriend of your critics, you will soon realise that she is really not that great herself!

If you have a website and would like to exchange links with us regardless of your page rank, visit our contact page, we'll take a look and see if we can set up an exchange.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Don't bore us with your page rank or number of visitors per day! If you like our site and we like yours, we will exchange links.